SEX WITHOUT PROBLEMS

Rapid Ejaculation

Rapid ejaculation has also been called premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation has many negative connotations, so the term rapid ejaculation has been adopted.

Since most men ejaculate quickly after penetration, most men are rapid ejaculators. Rapid ejaculation is only a problem when it interferes with the pleasure of one of the partners.

What is Rapid Ejaculation?

More often called coming, ejaculation generally occurs during the male orgasm or climax, as part of sexual intercourse or masturbation. A man's first experience of ejaculation usually occurs through masturbation, at around puberty. When a man ejaculates, a fluid called semen is released from the penis. Most men ejaculate in under two minutes after penetration, and this is only a problem if they ejaculate (or come) sooner or more quickly than they or their partner would prefer.

Under these circumstances couples receive less pleasure from shorter sessions of intercourse and anxiety and frustration often result. Rapid ejaculation is the most common sexual problem among men.

With some men the problem occurs more frequently or during each session of intercourse - in some cases as soon as the penis touches the partner's genitals or even during touching and cuddling - and is therefore of more concern. The problem may be caused by a physical condition, for example, prostate or urinary infection, in which case a medical practitioner should be consulted.

The causes are complex and may be attributed to 'learned' behavior or anxiety and stress. During adolescence, many boys often masturbate quickly and vigorously and this haste can transfer to adulthood.

Sometimes men withdraw before coming as a not very reliable method of birth control and this can cause them to lose the feel of vaginal contact. When normal intercourse is resumed, they often ejaculate very soon after penetration. Some men 'thrust' rapidly during intercourse, leading to faster stimulation and early ejaculation. Other men focus more particularly on intercourse itself, rather than foreplay and other stimuli, again possibly leading to more rapid ejaculation. The problem can increase if the man and/or his partner are anxious about coming early, sexual 'performance' generally or have other thoughts troubling them.

Treatment

Concentrating on other thoughts during intercourse for example, the working day or financial hassles is not a reliable way to curb rapid ejaculation. It is better to focus the mind on the lovemaking itself and practice a few techniques which will, in almost all cases, correct or reduce the problem.

Over time, you can learn to 'control' the moment when ejaculation occurs - to recognize the sort of sexual stimulation that may lead to rapid ejaculation. You can then take steps to change your sexual pattern or routine if it presents a problem. The aim is to delay the moment of ejaculation until you and your partner decide that moment is right for you both. The 'moment' may vary from situation to situation.

Your partner may or may not be aware of your problem; don't feel embarrassed about discussing it - use the situation to find ways to increase your sexual enjoyment and explore different sensations. Change positions during sex, concentrate on receiving and giving sexual sensations, slow down and enjoy overall pleasure rather than the stimulation that comes from intercourse alone.

Controlling or preventing rapid ejaculation requires practice over a number of regular sessions. Alone, you can masturbate to the point of ejaculation, then stop or slow down, reducing the physical stimulation but maintaining an erection. Lubricants can help by providing different or unfamiliar sensations. Changing the method of physical stimulation during masturbation is also useful - try changing hands or rubbing the penis against another surface (pillow or sheets, for example).

With your partner, and on a regular basis, focus on the sexual positions and feelings that arouse and stimulate you both. Allow your partner to bring you close to ejaculation and then slow down or stop the stimulation (whether it be writhing, licking, tickling, whispering in the ear) before ejaculation occurs. Try this several times during a session of sex. Don't be vague - indicate to your partner when to slow down, speed up or change stimuli - and remember, it works both ways. Listen to your partner. As you progress, use lubricants with your partner - explore other places in which to have sex: in the shower or bath, using the lather from soap for hand stimulation. Progressing further, try having sex with your partner on top - controlling the physical movement or thrusting, with you indicating when to slow down or stop for a time.

Another way of delaying ejaculation is to squeeze gently for a few seconds the top and bottom (not sides) of your penis shaft, near the head of the penis. This can also be done with your partner. During intercourse, your partner moves off the penis and squeezes its head (again, top and bottom - not sides) for 5-10 seconds, then intercourse can resume. In later sessions, with your penis still inside your partner, try the 'squeeze' further down the shaft, wait for a few seconds then resume intercourse. Practice these techniques regularly and if the problem persists ask your medical practitioner to refer you to a sex therapist.